Dreaming of You in December
by bosswoman88
Summary: A dream wakes Rayna up to how her life would have been different without a certain person in it...and how it could be different in the future. A holiday one-shot, fantasy mixed with a few spoilers.


**This is kind-of a crazy-cool idea I got one day from something I saw posted on twitter….some of it's a little spoiler-ish, but mostly pure fantasy, so humor me. Let's call it a #Nashville twist on a classic **

Rayna tossed and turned alone in her king-sized bed. Sleep had been eluding her for hours now. So many thoughts swirled in her mind. Every time she closed her eyes, the scenes from earlier that day played over and over in her mind, in slow motion, every word like a hit to her heart over and over again.

The fact that the morning had started off with Bucky arriving with the copy of Rolling Stone should have clued her in to the fact that the day was going to hell in a hurry. She had flipped to the pages in the middle and her heart sunk.

_"Bucky, this is ridiculous," she demanded. "Call them right now and tell them I want it removed. I'll sue for libel if I have to." _

_ Bucky looked sympathetic. "I'm sorry, but it's too late. It comes out tomorrow. I can try, though. What do you want them to take back? Did they lie in the quotes? Because we could get them for that." _

_ "Well, not exactly." _

_ "So that's what you said then?" Bucky asked, his eyebrows raised. "That you never stopped loving Deacon, you just split up because of circumstances?" _

_ "I did NOT say that," Rayna said, frustrated. "This is all taken completely out of context. I mean, I said…." She tried to remember that weekend of that damn reporter following around, all the questions he'd asked. She took a deep breath. "I said….that Deacon is a very important part of my life and always will be. I said that we have a history, and a daughter, and he is family, and that you….love your family, whoever they are to you." _

_ "So…." Bucky said slowly. "Basically you told a reporter you still love him. Ray, you know they can take one sentence and twist it into anything they want, and that's exactly what they've done." _

_ Rayna looked real pale, like she might be sick. She closed her eyes. "Oh god, I did tell him that, didn't I? Bucky, what the hell did I do?" _

_ "The question is," he said. "Do you?" _

Then later, the Christmas Special taping. It hadn't originally even been planned to be at her house, she wasn't sure if that had been Luke's idea or the producers or what, but suddenly without notice her living room was full of cameras and tv people. Her home, invaded. She didn't much like it, but feigned her annoyance for the sake of Luke seeming so happy that it was a "family" special. Luke didn't bother to hide HIS annoyance when he realized that other artists had been invited as well. Including Deacon. They'd had a blow-out about it just before the crews had shown up, and put the argument on hold and pasted on the happy faces. The cameras were watching.

_ Deacon came into the kitchen from the other room, a customary bottle of water in his hand. His eyes met hers. And she knew. He'd read it. She'd tried to call him, but he'd been ignoring her calls all day. _

_ She cleared his throat. "We should talk." _

_ "I don't think so," he said, avoiding her eyes. "I'm just hear because Maddie asked me to be." _

_ She glanced around him at all the hustle and bustle in the living room. Thinking about how much this was probably hurting him. Watching them pretend to be some damn happy perfect family. The family that he wanted more than anything. Luke was deep in conversation with the cameramen and Maddie and Daphne sat slumped on the sofa looking absolutely miserable. _

_ "You're here because you're family," she said quietly. "And that's what this was supposed to be about." _

_ He turned to leave the room. _

_ "I meant it," she said. "I didn't mean to say it that way, to that reporter, but I….meant it." _

_ He turned back for a second, and his eyes were so sad that it just broke her. And she knew why. She'd just told the whole world that sure, she loved him, but he'd never be as good as some guy who was a superstar, a millionaire, and not a recovering addict. He'd never been good enough and would never BE good enough. She might love him enough to keep him around, but he wasn't good enough for her to marry him. _

_ He took a few steps towards her, and her heart raced. His voice was low next to her ear. So close, she could feel his heart beat against her arm. _

_ "If you meant it," he said. "You wouldn't have that ring on your finger. And it would be our family in front of that camera." _

_ If she turned her cheek just a little, she thought, her lips would brush his. Suddenly she wanted to feel that again so badly that it opened some wound inside of her she could have swore was healed over. But it would never be fully healed. Just patched together, ready to bleed again at any second. _

_ "I meant it," she echoed again. _

_ He stepped away, turned away and walked out of the room, leaving her leaning against the counter trying to regain some semblance of her decorum back. She felt shaken to her very core. _

_ She had a hard time remembering to breath. The pull between them….it was so strong, even with a room full of people. Even with the man she was supposed to marry sitting 20 feet away not noticing what the hell was going on because he was too busy signing autographs for the crew. _

_ It was there. Like it had always been there. Like lightning in a bottle threatening to break free any moment. She didn't know how to escape it. She'd never been able to figure out how_.

As she laid alone in the dark thinking about it now, tears ran down her face. How he'd had done "Up on the Rooftop" so cheerfully with the girls and a few of the other musicians, and then the producers had given him his own song later. _Blue Christmas_, he'd sang. She had stood in the doorway of the kitchen, and his eyes just stared her down, as if he was singing it right to her. _I'll be so blue thinking about you….._

And now…..she dreamed….

#################################

Rayna was positive she had to be dreaming, but she wasn't really sure as she stared at the figure in long flowing white robes standing at the foot of her bed. And oddly enough she wasn't scared. The loving, tender face was one she had last seen when she was twelve years old. Bending over her bed in the darkness, kissing her goodnight. _Sleep well, my sweetheart. I'll see you soon. _

How she'd always thought it was odd, in later years when she looked back on that night. She hadn't said I'll see you in the morning. It was only later when she found out her mother had planned to leave Lamar- and them- that it made sense.

"Mom," she breathed. "This must be…Am I dreaming?"

Virginia's sweet gentle smile seemed so real. "Only as you see it, it is, my darling girl," she held out her hand. "Come with me."

Rayna blinked, staring at the outstretched hand. "This must have been a longer day than I thought. Maybe I've finally gone crazy."

Virginia's laugh was soft and sweet, a sound she remembered so well. "You're not losing it, sweetheart. I've been sent here tonight for a reason, and you need to come with me so I can show you what it is."

Mesmerized, Rayna rose from the blankets. "I feel silly, I'm in my pajamas," she said.

"It doesn't matter," Virginia said. "Nobody can see you except me."

"I still don't understand," Rayna said as her mother took both of her hands in hers. She thought they would be cold, but they weren't. They were warm and soft, just like she remembered. How those hands had smoothed her hair and wiped away her tears. "What are you? An angel? A ….ghost?"

"Maybe a little of both," Virginia said simply. "I'm the ghost of your past, Rayna. I'm here to show you how it would have been different."

She blinked. "What would have been different?"

Virginia just smiled, and she reached up and touched her daughter's face. "Close your eyes."

"I think I'm scared to do that."

"Don't be scared, Rayna. Trust."

"That's something I'm not very good at."

"I know," Virginia sad sadly. "And I'm so sorry for that."

Rayna closed her eyes, and a cold breeze brushed against her face, making her shiver.

When she opened them a few minutes later, they were somewhere else.

##################################

The Christmas party was in full-swing, with holiday music blaring from a live band in the corner. Waiters made the rounds with champagne, and people were lively with holiday cheer.

She felt ridiculous, standing there on the edge of this party in her flannel pajamas.

"Are you sure no one can see me?"

"Of course not," Virginia reassured her.

"Why are we at the country club? I hate the country club. I've always hated it."

Rayna surveyed the guests. By the bar she saw Teddy. He looked younger. Happy. Stress free, with a drink in his hand. "I'm still married to Teddy. He looks…less worried. Did I do something differently?"

"He's a congressman, and very successful. But you aren't married to Teddy," Virginia said. "There was no reason for you to be."

"What? I mean, how is that possible?"

"Teddy married Peggy Kentor. They have a houseful of little boys. He doesn't work for your father."

"Oh that explains the lack of stress," she rolled her eyes. "No wonder he looks so happy."

As the crowd dispersed a little, Rayna was startled to see herself in the middle of it. A…younger version of herself. Sitting in the middle of a group of women dressed up in their holiday finest.

"Can I go closer?" She asked.

"Of course," Virginia said. "They can't see you or hear you."

Intrigued, she stepped closer to hear their conversation. They were discussing…

Politics. They were discussing politics and business.

Yuck.

Apparently she was engrossed in the ideas of money and power she had tried her whole life to steer clear of.

"Well at least I'm successful," she muttered. "But how the hell did I get sucked into this country club atrocity? Those women never accepted me. Country music was beneath all of them."

"You are," Virginia agreed. "But look a little closer. You're not a country music star."

She heard one of the women lament her position as "Vice President", and how stressful it must be.

"Oh hell," Rayna said, appalled. "I work for my father? How in the hell did that happen? I don't think I like where this dream is going at all. Can we go back and change it?"

"It changed the day you were sixteen. You wanted to go sing at the Bluebird and Lamar stopped you," Virginia said softly.

"I remember that day," she said, feeling a pain in her heart. "He said if I went to that gig, I could never come home. So I didn't."

"That's the version you lived," Virginia said quietly. "Not the version you are looking at right now, Rayna."

"I never made it to the Bluebird?"

"He broke you," Virginia said sorrowfully. "He broke your spirit. You never had a singing career. You never sang much at all, except sometimes when you're alone."

Rayna watched as "she" rose to her feet, left the country club biddies, and went to the bar to get her champagne glass refilled.

Rayna watched herself watching everyone else. She looked lonely. Another thought struck her. "If I didn't marry Teddy….I'm alone? Where are the girls?" She asked.

"You never had daughters," Virginia said quietly. "Because you never married Teddy. There was no need. Your- this life - is your work and business. You don't make time for much else."

Rayna's heart stopped. "What? Why? I don't understand any of this," she was getting upset and angry. "Why did you bring me here? Why would I ever want to imagine a life without my family? And whatever kind of dream this is, I want to wake up from it. Right now."

Someone else was missing from this entire picture.

"I needed to show you what your life would be like, Rayna," Virginia said softly. "If you never met Deacon."

Rayna felt like she'd been struck by a 2x4 as hard reality slammed into her.

Silently she turned back to the scene again and she realized what her mother said was true. If she had never met Deacon, she wouldn't have Maddie. And she wouldn't had married Teddy or had Daphne.

"Where is he? What happened to him?" She demanded.

"Are you sure you really want to know?"

"Yes," she said. But she wasn't sure she wanted to know at all.

"Close your eyes."

Once again, the cold air brushed her face, and when she opened her eyes again, they were somewhere else.

####################################

They were in a cemetery. The air was cold and dark under the frigid winter sky, and she shivered, whether from fear or cold she didn't know.

"Oh no," Rayna whispered. "Please, no….."

But it was there in front of her, and she couldn't deny it. His name carved deep into the swirling granite.

Deacon Claybourne. Dead at the age of 29.

Hot tears pooled in her eyes and landed on her hands.

"I'm so sorry," Virginia said quietly.

"Why?" she whispered. "What happened?"

"He died of an accidental overdose. You weren't there to save him," Virginia said sorrowfully.

"Because I didn't go to the Bluebird that night," she realized.

"Yes," Virginia nodded. "So your paths never crossed. He still became a musician, but he never had a reason to get clean and sober and his demons…they just ate him alive. You needed each other, sweetheart. More than I think you have ever realized."

She couldn't even find the words to say how much her heart hurt.

"He gave me to courage to stand up to Lamar," she said softly. "I never would have had the courage to follow my dreams without Deacon there to push me."

"You hurt each other," Virginia said simply. "But you also saved each other. One has to outweigh the other sooner or later."

"I think I want to go home now," Rayna said, feeling pale. "Please. I just want to…..hug my girls. My family. I just want to see my family." To touch them, hug them, know they were real.

"Not yet," Virginia said quietly. "But this is where I leave you."

"You're leaving me in a cemetery? Well, that's a bad omen if I ever heard one."

Virginia laughed softly. "Oh Rayna, you always did have your father's quick wit. Yes, I need to be going. But you'll be fine. You got this far without me, didn't you?"

Rayna shook her head. "I want to ask you, so many things." _Why? _She wanted to say_. Why did you go? Why did you leave us?_

"I'm always listening," she said softly, reaching out to hug her daughter.

As the arms enveloped her, she felt so real, that Rayna didn't know how this could be a dream. She closed her eyes.

###############################

When Rayna opened her eyes again, she was on the porch, at the cabin. Deacon's cabin.

And Peggy Kentor was standing next to her in a long red flowing coat.

"Oh lord," Rayna muttered. "Is this the hell part of the evening where I am damned for all my sins?"

Peggy didn't look too impressed either. "Well, I don't know how I got elected for this job," she said wryly. "But I'm supposed to be the one who shows you what's going on in your life right now that you're missing."

"The ghost of my present? God, this really is Dickinsonian, isn't it?" Rayna remarked.

Peggy laughed. "Yes, it is." She pointed to the window.

Rayna's heart lightened at the sight. Maddie was putting the final ornaments on a tall evergreen tree in the corner, humming softly to the old Christmas music playing on the record player in the hall.

"So this is happening right now," she said softly.

"Yes," Peggy said. "You let Deacon walk out of your house tonight after the ordeal over the Christmas show, and this is what is happening. Without you."

She just watched.

"Alright," Deacon appeared from the kitchen. "Cookies are out of the oven, hot chocolate on the stove. Stockings hung up. What are we supposed to do next? " The enthusiasm on his face was great, but she could still see it in his eyes. He was hurting. She had hurt him.

Maddie laughed as she put the last ornament on the tree. "I'm think that's it. Haven't you ever done this before?"

"Honestly," he admitted. "Not really. So you being here with me on Christmas means a lot to me. I just want to make sure I do it all right."

Maddie hugged him around the middle. "It's fine, Dad. Perfect. I'm really glad mom let me stay with you for Christmas. And chopping down our own tree was really fun."

"It was, wasn't it?"

Maddie's smile faded a little. "I wish mom and Daphne were here. It's not the same, all of us not being together."

"I know," he said quietly, pulling her in for a hug. "Me too."

Rayna watched, feeling a mixture of happy and sadness. "We were supposed to go to Mexico for Christmas, but the girls didn't want to go. I let Maddie go with Deacon and Daphne go with Teddy. I've never spent a Christmas without them. Maddie's right, we should all be together."

"You let them go, because you were worried about the fight you had with Luke and you needed to fix it, and Luke thought you needed time alone. So you went to Luke's to fix it, but he didn't want to talk."

"So I put Luke first. And for nothing."

Peggy shrugged. "You said it, I didn't."

"I never meant to do that. I want us all to be a family. That's why I asked Deacon to be a part of the Christmas special. Because he's Maddie's dad."

"Is that the only reason?"

She sighed. "Well….no. Luke gave me an ultimatum. He wants Deacon out of the picture completely. He wants Deacon to be the dad who waits in the car and never comes to the door. I told him I would never do that.

"That isn't possible, Peggy said. "You're marrying Luke. Luke doesn't want to share your heart with Deacon, Rayna. Haven't you learned anything about men at this point in your life?"

Rayna raised her eyebrows and looked at the ghost or woman or whatever she was. "Couldn't they have sent Patsy Cline or Judy Garland instead? Someone a little more optimistic?

Peggy looked miffed. "Hey, I'm supposed to be doing you a favor here. Now on to the next,"

"Next what?"

"You know the routine. Close your eyes."

A blast of cold air hit her in the face.

"Sheesh," she muttered. "Couldn't I have had this dream in July?"

#####################################

When she opened her eyes again, they were in Luke's living room at the ranch.

His kids were there. His ex wife was there also.

She didn't look the way Rayna pictured her to look, like the cold-hearted bitch Luke made her sound like. She looked…well, disturbing enough she looked an awful lot like _her_. Shorter, maybe, but with close to the same shade of reddish-blonde hair. She looked kind and caring, hugging her kids and bidding them goodbye.

"You gotta go right away?" Luke was asking. "It's cold, wanna have a drink before you take off?"

"Oh no," the woman said with a warm smile. "I have a flight back home in 3 hours."

Rayna could see it in Luke's eyes. Something that looked like….regrets.

"Come on, Lisa," he said in that cajoling way that Luke had. The man and his smile could convince you to rob your grandmother. "Just stay for awhile. Watch the kids open up their presents."

"He still loves her," Rayna said, hardly realizing she'd spoken outloud. "Whatever got in the way of their marriage….it wasn't because he didn't love her."

"Sometimes," Peggy said softly. "You try real hard to forget, but it's always there, Rayna. You can see it in a person eyes when they love someone else."

That hit her hard. "Could you see it in Teddy's eyes?" She dared to ask.

"Yes," she said simply. "He loved you. I don't think I would have ever measured up. Another person never really does. You find someone else and think you will forget….but you don't. It's always there."

"I'm sorry," Rayna murmured. "I'm so sorry."

"What's done is done," Peggy said quietly. "You needed to step out of the box and see your life from the outside. And now my job here is done."

"For what it's worth, you were good to my girls and I appreciate that."

"Thank you.

She closed her eyes. She really just wanted to go home.

##############################

When Rayna opened her eyes again, she was almost afraid to look. But she realized she was backstage at the Opry. People were rushing around, prepping for whatever show was about to go on.

And Lamar was standing next to her.

_Go figure,_ she thought. _My dead father standing next to me in a three piece suit and I'm standing here in flannel pajamas_. _Either this is the most screwed up dream ever or I died in my sleep and I'm stuck somewhere between heaven and hell_.

Rayna sighed deeply. "Well, why I am I not surprised that you would show up," she said, annoyed.

"A hello would be nice," he surmised mildly. "Considering our goodbye was very misfortunate."

She held her tongue of all the things she _really _wanted to say. "Hello, Daddy. Now can I ask what the hell you're doing in this…dream?"

"I was given the task of showing you what your future could be," he said in his gravelly voice. "If you're ready to see it."

Two little girls ran past her, and Rayna watched as they hugged a beautiful woman with long straight dark brown hair.

"Mama, is it time yet?"

"I told you," the woman said with infinite patience. "When the show is about to start, and

Grandpa is about to go onstage, we will take our seats."

Rayna watched, mystified, as a teenage boy approached the trio. "I'll take them to walk around, Aunt Maddie. Come on, you little munchkins. Maybe we can find your dad around here somewhere and find your seats."

The woman smiled as she watched him walk off holding a little girl by each hand, and then she herself disappeared into the crowd.

"That's Maddie. All grown up." Rayna was struck, and teary eyed. "Maddie is a mama."

"Yes she is," Lamar cleared his throat. "And a good one. She learned from the best. She married a musician. I guess that runs in the family, no matter how much I hated it. Virginia's genes are strong."

The near-grown boy, there was something so familiar in his eyes and the way he moved as he walked away. "Aunt Maddie," he had said.

"That boy?" She breathed.

"That's the second chance one," Lamar said in his low baritone voice. "The one….

"That Deacon and I might have," Rayna realized. "If we were together. It's not too late. We could still have a chance for that."

"Yes. It pains me a little to see. I would have rather liked to have a grandson."

"Deacon never got the chance to start from the beginning," she whispered. "He missed all those years with Maddie."

"I can say I do hold some regrets for that," Lamar admitted. "But you can't change things in the past, Rayna. You can only try to make the future right. I never got the chance to….make up for my mistakes."

"I could still make up for mine," she murmured. "Is that what you're saying?"

"Yes, in a way. Let's walk, shall we?"

Reluctantly, Rayna tucked her arm through his and followed him inside the theater.

They trailed the grown up Maddie as she found her seat. It seemed so odd to be standing right in the middle of the aisle, but nobody could see them.

Rayna watched as Maddie took her seat next to a man with dark hair who immediately reached for her hand. On the other side sat a slender blonde woman with her arm tucked into that of a quiet man with glasses. Daphne. And then beside her, Rayna saw the much older version of herself.

The others were talking to her, but her eyes never left the stage.

"I'm so proud of your dad," she was saying to her grown up daughters. "Getting a lifetime achievement award. He acts like it's no big deal, but he's happy, I can tell."

Grown up Maddie agreed. "We have a lot to be proud of in this family, Mom."

"You know Daisy and Kate are going to be itching to get up on that stage before long. They already have the talent."

Maddie rolled her eyes, but she smiled. "I think we'll wait a long time for that. They have a lot of growing up to do."

It was bittersweet, to see her family so happy. And together.

"She sounds just like me," Rayna said wistfully.

"She is."

Then he was on the stage. Deacon.

Rayna's breath caught as she watched herself watching him. Older, sure, he was, as they introduced him. But still one of the most handsome guys she had ever seen in her life. She'd always thought he would be a man who got better looking as he aged, and he was.

"This is a real old one," he was saying onstage. "But it's pretty special. And I'm so happy to have my family with me on this great night, and my amazing wife of 20 years. So this one is for them."

He launched into "A life that's good."

It sent a pain to her heart, thinking that if they ever got around to this, it would have been almost fifty years since they'd met that night at the Bluebird. Since he'd changed her life and she'd changed his. It seemed like a lifetime. It _was_ a lifetime.

Suddenly she wanted that fifty years more than she'd ever wanted anything in her life.

Lamar cleared his throat. "I know I was never the kind of father I should have been, Rayna. I regret that it has affected you negatively in any way."

It was the closest thing to an apology she was ever going to get.

She couldn't take her eyes off her and Deacon watching each other.

"He loves me."

"Yes. He always did," Lamar said.

"You never though he was good enough for me."

"I did things because I was…stubborn and prideful and I was afraid of losing you the way I lost your mother," Lamar said. "A father will never admit that someone is good enough for his daughter."

She swallowed hard. "I forgive you," she said quietly.

He patted her hand. "Thank you. Now what you really need to do, Rayna, is learn how to let go and forgive yourself."

She took one last look at her future family, and closed her eyes.

##########################

When Rayna opened her eyes again she was back in her own bed. The sun was coming up, creeping through the windows and chasing away the shadows.

"It must have been a dream," she said out loud to no one but herself. "Right?"

Laid across the pillow next to her was a yellow rose.

A yellow rose in winter. She picked it up, noticing all the thorns had been removed.

Like the ones that had grown in her mother's garden when she was a child.

She went to the window. It was snowing outside. Christmas. Everything beautiful and white and sparkling and brand new.

Feeling more rested and determined than she had in weeks, she leaned over and grabbed her phone off the nightstand to dial a familiar number.

"Hey," she said. "I'd like to pick up Daphne at noon. Our Christmas plans have changed a little. Yeah? Ok great."

###########################

Daphne was thrilled to find out the Christmas plans had changed, and happy to see her mom when Rayna stopped at Teddy's to pick her up, but mystified. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see," Rayna smiled.

Daphne looked at all the presents piled in the backseat. "I hope some of those are for me."

"You bet, sweetie."

"I'm really glad you decided not to go to Mexico," Mom." Daphne said with a smile. "I've really missed you the last few months."

"Me too," Rayna said in agreement. "But all that is going to change now. I promise. _I missed me too. _

_###########################_

"Wow, look," Maddie said, looking out the window. "It's snowing. It's so beautiful up here, Dad."

"It sure is," Deacon was in the kitchen, trying to figure out how the hell to make pancakes that looked like Christmas trees, because it seemed like the right thing to do. Or maybe she was too old for something like that now. Hell if he knew.

Maddie's breath caught at the sight of something else. Her Christmas wish, the best thing she could have imagined.

"Dad," she said with the biggest smile. "I think your present just got here."

"What?" He said, confused.

"Close your eyes," she commanded.

She put a finger to her mouth, and quietly opened the door and Rayna and Daphne came in, their arms full of presents.

He was smiling, but kept his eyes closed. "What's this all about?"

But then a soft familiar voice sounded next to his ear and a sweet kiss from familiar lips landed on his cheek. "Merry Christmas."

His eyes flew open in surprise, and Rayna and Daphne were standing there bundled up in winter gear with their arms full of brightly wrapped presents.

Daphne erupted in fits of giggles, and Rayna's face looked a little uncertain, although she smiled.

"Come on," Maddie grabbed her sister by the hand. "Get your stuff off and let's set the table for breakfast. Deacon's making pancakes."

Deacon was truly at a loss, Rayna could see that.

"All night last night," she said quietly. "I couldn't sleep. Then I just had this crazy dream…." Her throat tightened up. "And I realized how awful my life would be without you in it, Deacon. I don't want that. Ever."

It took him a long time to find the right thing to say.

"I don't want that either," he said quietly. "But I don't really know where we go from here. You're marrying someone else, Rayna. I don't see how I can be a part of that, and frankly, I don't want to. It hurts too much."

She shook her head slowly. "I'm not. I mean…." She took a deep breath. "I'm not marrying him."

He couldn't hide the surprise on his face. "Uh…did you tell him this yet?"

"I figured I'd wait until after Christmas before dropping that bomb. And he's pretty angry at me right now anyway, so….."

"I see," he said quietly. "So what brought this on?"

"A lot of things," Rayna admitted. "But mostly….he gave me an ultimatum. I don't do ultimatums, Deacon. Especially when it comes to my family."

Deacon gave her a crooked grin. "Does he know you at all?"

She slapped his knee gently, but she laughed too.

"I meant what I said. You are family. And it didn't seem right not to be together on Christmas, whatever happens with…us."

The feeling in his chest made him feel like his heart would just bust right open.

"You're right," he said in agreement, unable to keep the smile off his face. "This is about the best christmas present you could have ever given me, Ray."

Her own smile. "Me too," she said. She hugged him.

It was hard to let go.

Later on, as the girls were ripping into the packages and she watched Maddie scream over the new guitar she'd been given and Daphne squeal over her new cowboy boots, their eyes met over the heads of the girls as they sat between them on the floor surrounded by packages and wrapping paper.

She thought about that dream, or if it had been a dream, she still wasn't sure it had happened at all. But looking back at her life without him in it at all, looking at what their future could be, was more sobering than any wake up call she could have received in her life. She thought about what her mother had said. _We need each other. For better or for worse. I'm not me with Deacon, and he's nothing without me either. Without all of us. _

"Merry Christmas," Deacon said, reaching over to squeeze her hand. "Hope you get everything you wished for."

A smile crossed her face as she squeezed his hand back. Thinking of a long ago night when she'd dared to defy her father and walked into the Bluebird, and both their lives had been irrevocably changed forever.

"You know what Deacon? I think I already did."


End file.
